A few days ago, our very esteemed colleagues from mole entertained us by releasing a “ Top 15 reasons to hate e-cigarette “smokers”“. We would like to thank Jeannou, Honorary Topiteur, Specialist in the Specialty, Director of the
direction and doctor honoris causa, for having oriented the mirror of this eminent media on our so… particular way of life.
Apart from the fact that we had a good laugh reading this excellent article and that, by being sincerely fair, we sometimes recognized ourselves in certain situations mentioned, it seemed incongruous to us not to retaliate. In all friendship, of course and trying, with our meager cerebral means of vapers, to stay in the same ironic tone.
BOOM… OUR TOP 15 THAT KO TOPITO!
It would be so easy to settle for a smirk at this " Top 15 “proposed by our fellow comedians of” mole“. However we are going to do much better than that by addressing a real uppercut to the liver of our opponent of the day. The gauntlet has been thrown down, the choice of weapons is ours and here is our answer:
– TOP 15 reasons not to hate electronic cigarette haters. –
1. They are right!
If everyone liked vaping, there would be a massive increase in consumption which would lead to a rapid shortage and we would no longer be able to find our expensive liquids. strawberry/goat cheese, our favorite atomizers that look like lamps in a Marshall amp and our boxes that are so practical in the event of an ad hominem attack.
It is therefore necessary that they continue to hate us so that we can vape in peace.
2. They are green!
Eh yes ! We use lithium-ion batteries in our devices and everyone knows it's not good for the planet!
Well, they are exactly the same as those of a Tesla Model S but hey, there, it's ecological, it's not the same at all! And then, with the batteries of a single electric car that will be "dead" in 10 years, I could vape fifteen peaceful lives.
3. They love smokers!
And how can we blame them, we who have all been smokers during our lives? So we created a site called adopteunsmoker.com. At each appointment with a smoker, we provide you with a tube of toothpaste, an air freshener, a single-use defibrillator just in case, two tablets of viagra (soft limb syndrome due to the narrowing of blood vessels) and a one-year subscription to Modes & Travaux to fill your evenings.
4. They are straight in their boots!
Well yes, this opinion is in line with that expressed in exemplary democracies such as China, Pakistan, the USA, India, Thailand and Qatar which all repress vaping, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. Of course, they must be right. That said, we, the sound of the boots...
5. Vaping is dangerous
An electronic cigarette liquid contains propellant, which is rocket fuel, and vegetable nitroglycerin! It's horrible ! How is it not exactly that? It's the same anyway… And then, with their aromas of polonium and uranium 235, we don't know the long-term effects on the body. And the additives, huh? Sucralose is still better in cola, right?
6. The Gateway Effect (looking for the lost ark)
Well known and proven many times by unobtainable studies, this effect pushes the youngest who vape to continue with the cigarette!
While in the past, it was still simpler, we left college, we went to the tobacconist, we bought a pack of cigarettes together and roll, my hen! The vape sucks, it complicates everything!
7. Vaping stinks!
You pass near a vaper sitting on a café terrace and it smells like a fairground stand, between cotton candy, candy apple and popcorn… How horrible!
How to appreciate after that the delicate scent of carbon monoxide from car exhausts, the divine perfumes of tired armpits in the metro at 18 p.m. and the so earthy smell of the cold ashtray in the early morning?
8. We don't know where it comes from...
According to the WHO, which it would be daring to call a conspiratorial organization, vaping is a weapon of mass destruction invented by the Reptilians and distributed by the Illuminati.
Under the cloak, evidence is already circulating of the likely involvement of some leading international political actors. (Source : The Gorafi)
9. VAPER KILLS!
According to a statistical analysis published in Scrooge Magazine, more than 3 out of 2 vapers would not reach a life expectancy of 114 years in perfect health. The fault lies with the presence of air in the atomizers, a mismanagement against which action should be taken.
A survey BIM/BAM/BOOM alert: 100% of deceased people admit to having vaped at least once in their life.
10. Vaping? economic nonsense!
The liquids for the vape are fatty and of vegetable origin. They are therefore responsible for the current oil price inflation. In addition, as they can sometimes sting the throat a little, it is estimated that they contain mustard in large quantities, which would explain the current shortage of the condiment in supermarkets.
More serious, resistances thrown in the trash, used in the vape, would be the direct cause of the underwater explosions of the Nord Stream 2 gas pipeline. Which created, in addition to an ecological disaster, a shortage of gas throughout Europe.
11. E-cigarettes are bad for the skin
Massively using vegetable glycerin, the vape prevents the supply to companies in the cosmetics sector of this chemical compound. This leads to longer delivery times and serious dermatological repercussions for shampoo and shower gel users.
The Federal Association of Swiss Establishments of Soap for the Epidermis (AFESSE) filed a complaint against X for unfair competition.
12. A strong psychological impact!
Vaping exposes you to great loneliness. First, you have to spend your time explaining to people the health gain and then, a vaper can no longer even enjoy rainy evenings by -10° with his smoking friends on the sidewalk of the café or the discotheque.
A toll-free number Alert Solitude Vapoteur (0800-000-989) was set up by the Ministry of Health.
12. The vape is spreading!
The number of vapers increases as the number of smokers decreases! It is a contagion comparable to a pandemic which creates a media panic and which results in the reduction of the turnover of the companies of Funeral Directors, an imbalance of the accounts of the Social Security and the extermination of the elephant seals at the South Pole. . ASTRA-ZANEPA is working on a vaccine that will be available shortly.
12. Smoking is sexy, it's hype!
It's easy to demonstrate. Yul Brynner was smoking. Steve Mac Queen was smoking. Alain Bashung, Johnny Hallyday, Anemone, Ticky Holgado, Joe Coker, Jacques Brel *… That sets the scene, right? Name me a star who vape? What, Leo DiCaprio ? Not know …
12. Vapers know things we don't!
They know what they vape, they know it doesn't kill anyone, they know where and when you can vape in the public space, they know esoteric chemistry terms, some even know Ohm's law! A fine bunch of snobs, if you ask me!
Thanks again to mole and Jeannou for making us laugh. Remember, vaping saves lives every day, smoking kills. If you want solid information, only one address: https://www.jesuisvapoteur.org/ .
*: All these personalities unfortunately died of lung cancer due to smoking.
